I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
