Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
