I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
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It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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