Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
