We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
