you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
