So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
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Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
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If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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