Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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