she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
