Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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