ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
should my penis look like a turkey
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
