it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
