it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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