Ambien. No doubt about it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
