Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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