what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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