He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
