What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
