First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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