If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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