she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
