So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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