i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
