If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize