ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
