you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it glows. i had to have it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
