hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
