my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
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I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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