whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
