brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
