So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
