just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
