sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize