mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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