so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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