Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
