You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
