There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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