I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
