hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
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