she looked like the before picture.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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