booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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