woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
