Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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