i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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