I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
