I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
