i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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