I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Holy shit dude........stairs
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
