I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dick very happy bro
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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