Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
