mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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