dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
