i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
