ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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