she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
there's paper in my vomit.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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