Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
