just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
