More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
