the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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