I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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