My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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