I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
