also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
