Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
