I think i peed on brittanys purse
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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