God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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