ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
