I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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