all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
