Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
