How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
