Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
