well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
