Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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