Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
