i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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