Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
