New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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