Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
