i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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