before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
