sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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